About the Romantic Hero

From adolescence to early adulthood, I was a romantically challenged man. I wanted to have a girlfriend very badly, and yet I literally did not go on a single date throughout high school and college. It was not for lack of asking girls out, because I did.

After getting rejected, turned down, and told, “let’s just be friends” more times than I’d like to remember, I was completely confused and defeated. How was I to glorify God in a marriage if I couldn’t even get a date?

I desperately looked for the proper guidance and instruction on how to successfully date. There was no easy “how to date for Christians guide” and everything non-Christian was immoral, perverse, or manipulative. Sound dating advice is lacking in our culture in general, and especially lacking in Christian culture.

However, God provided me with an amazing transformation in a way I could never have imagined.

UNCLE JOHN

“Mark, you are utterly clueless about women.” My uncle John was a straight shooter. I respected uncle John’s advice, especially regarding women. I had seen how his gorgeous wife, my aunt Tina, was endlessly in love with him. He was the man that God would use to share His wisdom.

Up until this point, I didn’t have the courage to admit my dating woes to others, but I desperately needed guidance and here uncle John was – an answer to my prayers. So I spilled my guts. I told him everything about my past dating failures and the recent break-up with my one and only girlfriend. He shared this verse with me:

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22

He explained how ‘find’ is an action men must take. He said I was being passive, waiting for a beautiful girl to fall into my lap, when I should be working on developing my romantic powers, “like one of those romantic heroes in the books your mom and aunt Tina always read.”

At some point in our conversation, I remember him using this example: “I was once a poor college student. But my hard earned education and constant job seeking efforts landed me a great career.” I was confused, “What? I don’t get it.” He said, “Get an education about women, and don’t give up trying to find a great woman,”

GIVING BACK

That talk with uncle John inspired a fire in me. I spent years studying romance, dating, “chemistry”, relationships, and love, attempting to be the ideal romantic hero. Through God’s grace and my hard work, I started having an amazing dating life. My entire life seemed to improve and it was almost like God said, “You’re on the right path.”

My boss and co-workers showed me more respect while family and friends gave me compliments about how confident and happy I looked. I was invited to more social gatherings, people started asking for my phone number, and I was dating the prettiest girls in church. I learned that my new set of romantic skills could be used for evil as much as good, and I strayed from God’s path for a while. This new ‘power’ went to my head, and I became dependent on dating the ‘prettiest’ girl in church.

It was uncle John, again, who shed some light on my situation. “You struggled for so long to understand women and now you’re philandering around selfishly. You’re a coach, [I was a high school baseball coach at the time] you should be coaching other single guys who have the same challenges you had.”

God was now opening my eyes to an important role I currently play in single men’s lives – coaching them into successful romantic relationships. (Yes, like in the movie Hitch with Will Smith. I get asked that quite often). I took uncle John’s advice to heart and began giving tips to a few guys from church. A few months later and guys were actually seeking me out to counsel them on dating and romance.

As unorthodox and uncommon as it is, coaching men to become more successful in their dating lives has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined. And I feel more connected to God because I’m helping men fulfill a command from scripture.

GOD WORKS THROUGH ME

It is an amazing transformation to be apart of – taking a man from dating zero to romantic hero. I believe ALL men should be aware of their duty to be romantic heroes. If God’s purpose for man is to get married and have children, why would we not be putting more attention on this poorly taught subject?

I felt like God was saying to me, “Look at this void in men’s lives. Will you honor me and help them fill it?” I have since begun a formal process in teaching men how to become romantic heroes. While many men say they have their dating lives under control, they wish they could be doing better.

Other men are in denial about their dating woes. I’ve heard every excuse. Single guys will say something like this, “I’m waiting for God to make that happen” or “I don’t believe in engineering relationships, it should be natural,” and others think “fate” has something to do with it. And that’s exactly how I felt before my transformation.

God designed man and woman to be in relationship together:

“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)

God was content with everything else he had created on earth. Everything else was “good”, except for man, being alone. Hence, man and woman were created to be in relationship together. Companionship, partnership, friendship, love, etc., was created by God for man and woman to enjoy together, united as one in Him. That was true with Adam and Eve, and is still true to this day.

CHALLENGE TO YOU

To the single guys: open your minds and hearts to God’s wisdom, and take action right now. Commit yourself to getting your romantic life handled, now. Write down Proverbs 18:22 and Genesis 2:18 on several pieces of paper. Keep those verses in your wallet, tapped to your bathroom mirror, in your car, and anywhere else where you will see it everyday.

To the married men and guys who have their dating lives under control: teach someone else. Take someone under your wing and provide guidance. Even if it’s just a few tips here and there. Chances are you know a man that needs it, and if not, find one.

You don’t have to study for years like I did to teach men or yourself. If you have more experience than another man, share it. If you lack experience, seek it out.

Once a man realizes he must drop the excuses and take action to find a wife, he faces at least one of these four challenges:

1) BELIEFS – He has incorrect beliefs about women. Maybe past experiences or his upbringing have scarred him and his perception became skewed and polluted with poor information, which prevents him from forming a godly relationship with a quality woman.

2) CONFIDENCE – He lacks the confidence, self-respect, or spirituality to attain a high quality, high self-esteem, beautiful Christian woman. He might be a “nice guy” to most women but he doesn’t spark their romantic interest. Or he could be the opposite and be a “macho jerk”. The macho jerk dates women with low self-esteem because he himself has low self-esteem, masked by arrogance and cocky behavior.

3) SOCIAL SKILLS – He lacks the social knowledge and romantic skills to attract a high quality beautiful Christian woman, and consequently women don’t view him as marriage material.

4) LIFESTYLE – He lacks the lifestyle a woman wants to be apart of. Put simply, a beautiful high self-esteem Christian woman does not want to marry a part-time working manchild.

There is more depth and breadth to what I call the  Essential 4 Qualities, but for the purposes of this article, those descriptions are a strong foundation.

So what is the obvious answer for romantically challenged men? Become a man that has the Essential 4 Qualities and learn the “how to” part of dating, romance and relationships.

ESSENTIAL 4 QUALITIES

1) Internalize the correct beliefs and attitudes about women.

2) Have confidence, self-respect, and spirituality handled.

3) Develop the social and romantic skills that a woman can respect.

4) Create/alter a lifestyle that fulfills your purpose AND caters to a high quality woman.

Your transformation begins right now. Are you open to His wisdom? Will you take action on His gifts? Fulfill your potential in God and allow Him to begin your transformation.

Cheers,

Mark

If you liked this article, explore the blog to read more about romance, dating, relationships and love.

I love to hear from men who want to improve their romantic lives or have an interesting story. Got a question? Email me: mail@theromantichero.com